3am rumbles 

mind is rumbling on when i went out to sushi for dinner the other day; where we sat, ate some amazing food and good conversations. & my question is now, have you ever settled? i have, and i’m sure we all have at some point. i remember when i use to wish things were different, not doing a damn thing about it to change it. my mistake was waiting and hoping for things to change, because truly – looking back, i wasted valuable time; time i’m not getting back. you just can’t force certain things in your life, it just doesn’t set right, it becomes surrounded by bitterness and unhappiness because it isn’t organic. i use to crave a real conversation, it was simple; just a conversation – two people, two minds collide, learning & unlearning, perspective and growth. but it was just a craving. when i did come across an interaction that was fueled with substance, man i appreciated that. it’s rare. but imagine, it was only a craving that i had with the person i was with at the time, and the person knew they couldn’t give me that, a ‘my type of conversation’ or stimulate ‘my type of mind’ – imagine resisting on expression, sharing perspective and story telling to a person you want to have that affinity with, but again you can’t force a connection, so i was in my bubble for quite some time. but moving on from that, it made me appreciate the organic interactions so much more, especially with the ones you have an affinity with, that bond ykno? to know i can freely have an open conversation about anything and in the end, i’m not restricted, they make me want to unravel my mind and to know i’ve learned because i am able to understand. i know its a simple thing, but sometimes this is only something you want to share with certain individuals, not everyone, and when it’s reciprocated, to me: it’s extraordinary and rare, and i’m not settling. 

‘A, thank you’ 

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iuno. 

you know that feeling that squeezes your gut and that sudden heavy weight on your chest, somehow then your eyes get teary?   shit, that’s when I know my mind has been running for miles, way too long. I get so deep in my thoughts about my life journey, I over analyze everything current in my life now, drawing assumptions and conclusions on what’s going to happen in the future – whether it be personal and business relationships. I think my problem is that I want perfection. I know what I desire, I need it, I crave it, and I work on whatever I need to do to fulfill it. matter of fact, it is my problem. yes, it’s a good thing, but it is extremely important to understand its process. sometimes it can be discouraging not getting to where you desire to be at a specific time, and sometimes it may feel like it may never happen, or you thought it was going good but something happens and you fear it may fall apart – then that sucky feeling happens. it can be challenging, but challenges are life lessons. always gotta be reminded that if it is special then it won’t be easy because no journey is perfect. just gotta really keep the faith and trust the process. with passion, stay driven and determined. 

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when i fall in love again…

when i fall in love again,
i know that it’s not by choice,
i know its because i searched for it,
& it found me.
i know i chose to receive it,
if by chance my relationship fails,
i don’t want to be the person that hates love,
i want to be accountable for the things that i could have done better,
i wanna acknowledge all those things i could have compromised, but didn’t.
that i could have given, but didn’t.
& where i should have listened, but didn’t.
i don’t ever want to be the person that blames love for my shortcomings,
i don’t want to be the person that turns bitter just because i couldn’t love better,
i don’t want us to be the ones to give up, when it was time to put the work in…
i wanna be real.

  • rhs
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trust.

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I always had this idea of a tattoo if I ever did get one,
rlly never had a purpose to, & plus I am terrified of needles.
anyway, spontaneously – I decided to walk in a tattoo shop
while strolling around the city & then and there, I got my first tattoo.
It was meant to be.

life –
full of challenges,
& the outcome –
whether failure, or accomplishments
those experiences made me the person i am today.
God does not give you anything
you can’t handle’
never doubt that.
throughout it all,
i know one thing is always TRUST GOD.
there is a purpose & plan for everything,
everything happens for a reason…
w this, i learned to always,
trust your gut feeling,
trust your intuition,
trust the signs,
trust yourself,
& stay true to yourself.

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better because of the experience..

“i had to go through that to get where i am today,
going through hurt, brought me something better,
i thank God that i am onto something new,
something good is reciprocating, and not being under appreciated,
cares enough to invest in me,
something real, not something perfect, but something better,
regardless if it works out, or if I’m hurt again, lied to, cheated on,
every time i’m broken, i can choose to get better, forgive, move on,
get stronger, to be happy, & i don’t have to be cold…
& i’m better because of the experience” – rhs

i forgive – j

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don’t wanna miss this.

 

‘conversations you don’t want to end,
moments you don’t ever want to forget,
laughs that never seem to stop,
talk that happens so easily,
time spent that happened so naturally,
never had to force us,
we can just be,
whatever we wanted to be without judgement,
you can be you, and i can be me,
& nothing else matters’ rhs.

 

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